Look into my crystal ball

by
He rocked and rolled while he saw into my future

He rocked and rolled while he saw into my future

This afternoon I got hit by a craving for sweet & sour Asian food so I decided to have lunch at a resto called Kedai Langkawi not too far from my office building. As luck would have it, because it is Friday and my horoscope said that today would be my lucky day of the week, the resto had a fortune-teller on call for their patrons. So along with my Kopi Tarik and Schezuan Chicken Noodles I thought I’d order a side of mysticism.The “witch” that was selling us our fortunes was called Fifi. I don’t know if that’s her real name or a ‘name of divination’ they gave her at the sorcerer’s inauguration, but Mbak Fifi looked nothing like a fortune-teller. She wore a casual orange polo-shirt and jeans, had a cropped bob and adorned yellow flip-flop sandals on her (very human and strangely un-webbed) feet.

I am a true skeptic at heart, even though getting my fortune told has always been my guilty pleasure, so it was no surprise when Mbak Fifi gasped, “Oh dear. You don’t believe,” as soon as she sat down across from me at my table. Wow, I immediately thought, she’s good.

After she invoked the omnipotent spirits of Asian cuisine by massaging her temples with her eyes closed and humming, she looked at me with a puzzled expression and exclaimed, “I can’t see your fortune. I can see your past and some of your present, but I can’t see beyond that. This is strangely odd.”

Huh. I told her to try again, maybe the lines were mixed up or the billowing steam from my Hot & Sour Soup was blocking my aura or something. But after a failed second try, she gave up and told me, “I’m truly sorry. I can see your past, I can see your present, I can see your room, I can even see your secret cigarette stash under the matte black armoire beside your bed but I can’t make out your future. It’s clouded, I can’t see a thing.”

Let's see what the future holds

Let's see what the future brings

Huh. She then suggested that she do a Javanese Tarot card reading for me instead. I agreed and cut her stack of cards according to my ‘astrological number’, which was 8. She laid out the cards, one by one and was silent for quite a while. All of a sudden she collected the scatter of cards on the table and handed the stack back to me. “Do it over,” she said. Ooookay then. I repeated my task of cutting the stack of cards 8 times then handed them back to her. Mbak Fifi slowly laid out my fortune in front of me, card by card, then stared hard trying to decipher their meaning.

She shook her head before she sighed and said, “You’ve had a turbulent past, but you are strong and will get through anything. But as I said before, I cannot answer any questions regarding your future because the cards don’t illustrate what’s there to come. This is very very unusual. I truly cannot see your fortune, I’m sorry.”

Huh. Okay so I have no future. No big deal.

When the waitress handed me my complimentary fortune cookie, I quickly snapped it in half and pulled out the little piece of paper that would salvage my fortunate Friday.

“Your future is not what you know today, it is what you do tomorrow.”

Huh.

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8 Responses to “Look into my crystal ball”

  1. jemise Says:

    Did this really happen?

  2. anandaayu Says:

    How much did you pay for the witch’s service?

  3. nyscha Says:

    This truly happened. Cross my heart.

    And I paid nothing, she was complimentary, like the fortune cookie.

  4. Ganjano Says:

    I have also had my fortune read by the woman. She said that I should drink more herbal tea and stop touching myself so much (not kidding).

  5. delilah Says:

    hahaahahah… my god! A few days ago, a gypsy-looking woman from the middle east approached my friend when we were just window shopping at a mall, saying all these craps, “oh my god, you have a great aura like I’ve never seen before” hahahaha… yea riteeee

  6. lovelli Says:

    I guess that’s a good thing, you know. Like you’re this mysteriously untouchable brat even the fortune teller can’t touch. You can now officially answer to their offers for services with, “Can’t touch this.” Hahaha.

    Anyways, I’ve had many moments, strange moments, where strangers offered to read my palm, aura, etc. Most of them concluded that my life has and would be full of challenges and obstacles. Some even suggested that I changed my name for better luck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The more the merrier.

  7. nyscha Says:

    Ganjano, seriously?

  8. georgedarroch Says:

    More herbal tea is a good suggestion…

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