I guess I’m keen to make a good impression with my first blog post, let you all see how thoughtful and reflective I am- wow, man, that Belle- she’s so deep.
So let me share with you a little something that’s been consuming my thoughts the past week. So many times I’ve be sitting on the back of an ojek and pop- there it goes- the little niggling question at the back of my brain, the confusion, the doubt, me a thinker with my hand rested on my chin.
Let me give you a visual presentation of my current philosophical dilemma:
The PVC exercise suit. A simple question: Why?
I saw it for sale in Granmedia and asked exactly that, rather loudly, in English. People stared, more than usual.
I guess what I really wanted, want to know is: what exactly is THE SAUNA EFFECT? If it’s anything like some European movies I’ve seen, it obviously means putting the suit on will cause three buxom Scandinavian beauties to emerge from behind a steamy glass window and look at you seductively before an appropriate pornographic backing track plays. Wow-wakka-wow-wow.
I googled ‘sauna effect’ and was given a little assistance. This is what a sauna sounds like. Meanwhile, someone has dedicated an entire website to the basics of sauna suits- with an appropriately-named internet address: http://www.saunasuits101.com. Visit it in order to learn things like this:
“To the Finnish, saunas belong in our daily life; they’re as important as their daily bread.”
There are people wearing them at my gym, who, coincidentally, look to have got a bit excited about carbohydrates recently too. I’ve been too shy to ask how the sauna effect generally goes for them. So there was one lady, a bit pudgy, wearing her sauna effect slimming suit. She was sweating. Not just your standard Jakarta sheen, I mean, giant flicks of water zooming out of her ponytail and singing through the air. This, I presume, is the literal essence of the sauna effect- if you perspire more wearing a plastic astronaut suit, water will come out of your body quicker and you will weigh less.
Ah! A brilliant plan, but for one fatal flaw…
What happens if you get thirsty again?
BTW: Feel free to help me out with these philosophical conundrums in comments below.
So this chick is running on the spot in front of the mirrors the gym has lined up along the treadmill catwalk, the same place I run a few times a week.
The mirrors annoy me. They’ve made me become aware that the large number of comments I’ve received over the years pointing out that I run like my knees are magnetized towards each other, or even more crudely – like a “retard”- may actually have some merit. It upsets me that one of my two favorite treadmills is situated unavoidably in front of one of these said mirrors, and the other one is always taken.
So I look at myself a lot while I run. And as I do, I start thinking. Why are the mirrors are there? Am I running towards the pursuit of some unattainable physical goal (made all the more clearly unattainable because I can see myself in my wonky-kneed, imperfect state)? Perhaps they should put mirrors behind the treadmills, so we can metaphorically and literally run away from our present condition? Does the manager of this gym know the meaning of metaphorical? How do you say that word in Bahasa anyway?*
Anyway, I finally cracked when they started playing a dj-mixdown of Alanis Morrisette’s “You’re Not Invited”. To refresh your memory of this track or to educate those unlucky enough not to be acquainted with it, here’s a snippet of the lyrics:
But you, you’re not allowed
An unfortunate slight
Like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like
You have experienced love like mine before.
The original song is slow, howling. The expert volunteer commentators at songmeanings.com offer some profound and insightful explanations of her lyrics:
by Nichole222 on 08-26-2002 @ 07:07:52 PM
Ever since the fist time I heard this song I thought it was about rape. Her talking to (singing) to her rappist. The line “You speak of my love like
You have experienced love like mine before.” Like he has raped someone before.
by Kitty_oz on 04-20-2003 @ 10:16:54 PM
I have a new interpretation….
I think this could be about a woman propositioning her.
She has never considered a lesbian relationship before and dismisses it at first – but the last line…..well she’s considering it now.
So I’m three kilometers into an unlikely-to-be-achieved 10km slog on a moving piece of rubber, and as motivation my gym offers me a howling chant about a lesbian “rappist” to some kind of backing rhythm usually enjoyed by those on synthetic drugs.
I ran out of that gym. I ran outside. I’m running out of motivation so I’ll tell you about it next week.
*Berkenaan dengan penggunaan metafora~ says my electronic kamus.