The other story on training (how to be a lady-killer)



So, I’m the late Tuesday girl who posts her writing on a Wednesday. So sorry.

I’ve been trying to write about my experience in a prominent so-called spiritual training (i.e. brainwash), but, my brain’s not cooperating right now. So, I searched the archive of my old writings and found a funny one. It’s a story about a training as well and there’s brainwashing also!! So, I guess it’s still close to my first idea story.

This story was on The Jakarta Post, June, 12, last year. Next week, I promise, it’ll be about the religious camp.

Hitman System promises to turn men into ‘glossy’ lady-killers

A young man in his mid-20s, wearing a stylish hairdo, black body-hugging T-shirt and khaki-colored jacket, all topped off with a “bling-bling” necklace, walks into a coffee shop in a South Jakarta mall and scans the room.

He spots two women — both slim, with long straight hair and wearing tiny T-shirts — in the corner of the shop. A few minutes later he is sitting with them, laughing and swapping stories. After getting their cell-phone numbers, he politely slips away.

It was by no lucky coincidence that Lex managed to get these women’s phone numbers. He was not always such a natural smooth-talker. Yet, he taught himself a technique to initiate conversations.

Jakarta, with an abundance of public spaces — most popularly, malls — holds vast opportunities for people to meet someone new.

“However, in our urban culture people rarely engage in small talk with strangers,” Lex said.

He says men who spot an attractive woman will most likely fail to get acquainted with her.

“They usually begin a conversation with stupid lines like, `what’s your name?’ or ‘where do you work?’, which just doesn’t work.”

After years of being a “dukun curhat” — a phrase describing a guy who is a girl’s best-friend, who always listens to girl’s problems but never actually gets the girl — and shielding his broken heart, Lex discovered the secret to wooing women.

“After a decade of self-healing and an autodidactic study of human psychology and neuro-linguistic programming, I’ve found the way to get a woman’s attention,” he said.

Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) is a method, set of techniques or personal development system that first teaches a person to develop helpful habits by amplifying positive behaviors and diminishing negative ones. Positive changes can occur if one carefully reproduces the behaviors and beliefs of successful people (called “modeling”).

Lex, along with two other guys — Jet and Kei, who had similar heart-breaking experiences — wanted to share the secret of the “anti-jomblo solution” (anti-single solution) with more Jakartan men. So they established a “brotherhood” called the Hitman System.

“We’re setting up a community where men can bond and share their most personal feelings. Girls usually bond with their girlfriends and they have women’s magazines that tell them how to deal with their social lives. Meanwhile, men are walking around clueless,” he said.

The group has gained popularity through word-of-mouth and mailing lists.

Coffee shops in a number of Jakarta malls have become the meeting ground for these “lossy” guys wanting to be turned into men. Lossy is a term coined by Lex, Jet and Kei which means “low value and sissy” guys — a somewhat harsh word used for men that Lex calls “cheap”.

The Hitman System is a consultation group for guys who want to learn the secret to hitting on women. Founded last year, it has carried out 14 two-day workshops. Up to now, 70 men have been transformed into “glossy” guys; those who have the confidence to easily open up a conversation with a woman.

With a fee of Rp 700,000 and six participants per workshop, Hitman System instructors teach men “self-development”. In this month’s workshop, the age of participants varied from 19-year-olds to 30-somethings.

Is it profitable? “No,” Lex said.

“But our aim is not business. We want to set up a brotherhood of men.”

So what is the secret to wooing women?

“Don’t give compliments and don’t give gifts. Just don’t be cheap,” he said.

“Never ‘shoot’ a girl.”

In Indonesian culture, a guy “shoots” a girl by admitting that he likes her and asks her openly to be his partner.

“”That way, men are handing the power over to women and cheapening themselves,”” he said.

Lex said men should first change their outlook on relationships.

“We should change the mind-set that without someone our life will not be complete. We are already complete.”

Yuki, a 22 year-old-student with good looks befitting a Taiwanese film star, said the first day of training was a “brainwash day”. In the group session, participants explain their motivation for joining the workshop and must reveal intimate details of their unfulfilled love lives.

“We have one member who has been waiting for this one girl for almost nine years. We actually felt his pain.”

After the sharing session participants begin to learn conversational skills. “We teach participants how to instigate conversation, touching techniques, storytelling techniques and the key to being mysterious,” Lex said.

The second day of the workshop is a day of practice hitting on girls, which is conducted in malls. An alumnus, 23-year-old Cygnus, said he managed to hit on 16 girls in one day.

Even though the tagline of this group is “solusi anti-jomblo“, most of the alumni say women are not their number one priority anymore. “I have other more important things in my life,” 30-something Zid said.

But for 25-year-old Alia An Nadhiva, the group sounds like a bunch of schemers who are skilled at playing games. “I wouldn’t want to get to know any of those guys… I want a guy who is sincere and who doesn’t play games,” she said.

“If I found out a guy had taken this workshop, I would be reluctant to date him.”

Yuki assures the group are not breeding a new variety of “jerk”.

“We just want to offer a different variety of men to society. Before there were the naturals, who were usually jerks, and the lossies. Now there are naturals, lossies and glossies.”


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4 Responses to “The other story on training (how to be a lady-killer)”

  1. nyscha Says:

    I don’t know if it’s pathetic or flattering that men have to invent a whole new ‘system’ just to score some pussy.
    I guess it means women are either fussy psychobitches or rulers of the universe. Maybe one complements the other.

    Very interesting post.

  2. bilangela Says:

    I’m so over hearing about men trying to score. Just be yourself, and if you’re a jerk, you don’t deserve to score!

    It doesn’t sound as bad as that book, The Game, which is all about being a player. If it helps them be more confident, well, good on them.

    But I am so over hearing about books and course on how to impress women. We’re just people. And like any group of people, we’re not all the same. This rule of never asking a woman to be your girlfriend is so stupid. If you’re the kind of guy who is open like that, I don’t think you should hide or be ashamed of it.

    I’d be impressed by a guy gutsy enough to be straight forward. Say it like it is! No games! We’re just humans!!!

    Great article.

  3. Hendra Says:

    My girlfriend and I were googling for self-healing material and stumbled on the article in this blog. Not only it is interesting, but it also opens our eyes about the male’s world. I can relate with a lot of things mentioned at their blog (got that after googling the name, Thanks for posting this article.

  4. Charlie Says:

    Hendra, thanks for posting the website, I’ve been looking for something like it for months. It’s a great web with amazing articles. Thank you for Ombakblog too to publish the Jakarta Post news.

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